Tuesday 18 June 2013

Babies Babies Everywhere

It is a commonly known fact that as soon as you start wanting something you see it everywhere and with this in mind I find myself comparing babies to Skodas.

Saturday 15 June 2013

The Joy of Sex

"So, when are your hot spots this month then?" The man of my dreams asks lovingly.

"Next Tuesday looks good." I reply consulting my trusty app.


"I've been thinking." he says.


"Oh no." I muse silently.


"Let's try a turkey baster this month.  Clearly my sperm need a bit of directional guidance."


I say nothing.


"What?" he asks innocently.


"Really?" I reply, my right eyebrow raised in consternation.


"I'm just trying to shortcut the process." he continues laughing at his own razor sharp wit.


"Very funny." I say sardonically hoping this will be an end to it.


Unfortunately I don't think it will...

Thursday 13 June 2013

The Pleasure and The Pain

Three months ago...

"So this is the window." I say trying to sound light-hearted. "We have to leave in half an hour at the latest.  I hope we don't get stuck on the M1."

The response I receive is a 'look' and then a huffy retreat upstairs.

Leave him to it I think...feeling a little bit irritated then guilty for my irritation.  

A few minutes later the man of my dreams appears in the doorway holding a very small pot and asking how the bloody hell he is supposed to "get it in there?"  I look at the pot and have to agree it does look very small, "especially for you my love," well, whatever gets the job done!

I hadn't taken any notice of the pot when it was given to me at the doctors.  To be honest I was more concerned about being made to say the word 'semen' twice in a silent doctor's waiting room by a receptionist out for a bit of fun.  

By a twist of good fortune I was able to find another, larger, sample pot at home just sitting there waiting to fulfil its destiny.  So, with the clock ticking I suggest that maybe he would like a bit of help to you know, do the deed.  Well you would think I had offered to cut it off and I couldn't help but point out that there are worse things he could have to do.  I mean nobody was sticking a syringe in his arm or drawing blood.

Anyway, he eventually stepped up and the sample was safely deposited, despite the man of my dreams refusing to speak or make eye contact with the receptionist and staring intently out of the window for the five minutes involved in dropping off the sample.  He did at least find it in him to sign his name. 


Oh well, must dash, I'm late for my smear!    

Wednesday 12 June 2013

Fighting Talk (1)


You can't stop the waves but you can learn 
to surf - Zinn, Jon Kabat

The Pledge

It is official...I'm a moody broody and it has to stop!  Yes, today I am all about the positive and hereby pledge not to do any of the following:
  • Think about baby names (not even once!)
  • Plan the nursery 
  • Even consider the possibility that perhaps I could be pregnant despite having just had a period 
  • Torture myself by looking at infertility/early signs of pregnancy information on the internet
  • Berate myself for leaving it so long to start trying (I was 34)
  • Imagine myself as an old lady, alone and unable to pluck my mono-brow with only my cats and regrets for company 
  • Cry
And lastly and most importantly:
  • Feel sorry for myself
This last pledge is important as it turns out it doesn't really get you anywhere other than miserable and puffy eyed...neither of which are a good look.  It is also really, really draining not just for me but the people I love and care about who are amazingly supportive but let's face it are only human, can only take so much and have their own stuff to deal with.  Apparently it isn't all about me?!?!?

So, it occurs to me that I need to find something to fill the enormous void that all this feeling sorry for myself will leave.  Here are some ideas I plan to explore:
  • Start writing a blog...so far so good!
  • Finish my novel ("bloody well get on with it then" I hear the man of my dreams whisper lovingly in my ear)
  • Enjoy planning our forthcoming wedding/honeymoon based on what we want now and not on whether I will be pregnant by then (and that goes for life in general I guess)
  • Learn to play at least one song well on my guitar (it has been sitting there for a year covered in dust and not a chord learnt so far)
  • Yoga and meditation (I know it works, I always feel better for it so why don't I do it everyday?)
  • Knit more (almost as good as meditation)
  • Get outside more (walk, garden, take more photos etc.)
  • Read more
  • Watch less utter crap on TV and get on with all of the above!

This is the pledge I make today. I will keep you posted...